Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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