I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Moan for me like Helen Keller
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
