remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
