then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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