I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
