I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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