I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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