You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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