Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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