what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Randomize
