I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
