I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
