Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
