I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
