I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
