So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize