Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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