he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My balls are so social today.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
