were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
how do flat chested girls get laid?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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