I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
