never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
