Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
