I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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