Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
