hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
