I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
