whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
