have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
