She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize