I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
