I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
