my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
