mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
