I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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