I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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