there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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