I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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