atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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