I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
