Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize