No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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