After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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