hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
He passed out mid-signature
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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