He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
