please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
