I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
