she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I think pants incapable of making pants work
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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