Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
