in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
try to milk me bitch
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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