saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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