My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
