Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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