well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
