Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i think my cat just said my name.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
