just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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