ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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