i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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