Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
