i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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