We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
