your parents love me but you hate me
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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