I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
