My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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