come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Randomize
