I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
