I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
