I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
