Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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