perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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