Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
