Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
