she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
