you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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