no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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