Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm at about main and main street
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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