watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
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