I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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