her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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