You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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