did you get engaged???
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
