She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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