shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
