East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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