Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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