Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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