I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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