You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize