Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
