on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
