Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
